As I listened to
last year’s team speak on their faith and belief strengthening during their
trip to Zambia, I prayed immediately for God to give me that same
opportunity. I told Him I want to be out
of my comfort zone, I want to know Him deeper and take true delight in Him. It was amazing how fast He opened that
door! But with that opened door, I
started preparing for this trip, and I found myself imbedded by spiritual
attacks.
I decided to start
pressing deeper into what the trip entails, and in doing so, I realized I am
going to have to speak probably more than once, twice, three times. That I may have to talk in front of an entire
village, I might have to lead people in the salvation prayer, and I might even
have to call out demons in Jesus’s name.
THIS FREAKED ME OUT… I DO NOT
have the knowledge, I do not know all scripture, I do not know where to turn in
the Bible for specific answers, I am going to be useless and why am I even
going??!! ?? Like I said, I was
freaking out!
Shortly after all
these thoughts were coming to mind I was asked to help lead the trip. I said yes and allowed myself to dwell on the
idea that my gifts and ability of organization and administrational skills was
my “part” in this trip. I figured this
would be perfect, we are all built differently, given different strengths, and
I am using mine for this group so the others that are great at preaching can
take that role. I found comfort and ease
in taking that back seat. However, if I
am doing what I am comfortable with; confident in, then how do I think my
faith, belief, and comfort IN Christ will be strengthened? In what way am I dying to myself and allowing
Him to take control?
I went to Exodus 4
1 Then Moses
answered, “But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they
will say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you…
10 But Moses said
to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you
have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” 11 Then
the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf,
or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now therefore go, and I will be
with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” 13 But he said, “Oh, my
Lord, please send someone else.” 14 Then the anger of the Lord was kindled
against Moses and he said, “Is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I
know that he can speak well. Behold, he is coming out to meet you, and when he
sees you, he will be glad in his heart. 15 You shall speak to him and put the
words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will
teach you both what to do. 16 He shall speak for you to the people, and he
shall be your mouth, and you shall be as God to him.
As I meditated on
this chapter I realized if God has a plan to save certain people in Zambia, He
will, whether He uses ME or someone else on the team. But, do I want to be used by God for His
Glory – yes. Do I want to be pushed so
that all I can do is lean on my Faith in Him – yes. For me, that means, I will not make Him send
someone else to do the work that He has blessed me with, I will not turn down
the opportunity HE has blessed me with to share the gospel with those who have
never heard it before and I will not back down from the experience and joy of
building His kingdom.
He is my strength,
my shield, my everything and I LOVE Him with my whole heart, soul and
mind. I am NO where near perfect and
will never be. I am nowhere near knowing
Him completely and I am nowhere near comprehending the pain and sacrifice He
made for me on that cross BUT I will joyfully go and I will joyfully speak!
Dear Father, I
thank you for continually teaching me of your desire to strengthen me in You,
for your love and Your confidence in the women I could be for You and Your
Kingdom. Father, I ask for
boldness. You know my heart, my fears,
failures, what makes me timid and uneasy to share. Break down those walls, build me in these
next couple months to lean fully on you, your love, Your Truth. Help me to be still before you, to wait upon
you. Help me to be whatever you need me
to be in order to reach the lost. I LOVE
you full heartily and am forever yours!
Amen!
