Should I stay or should I go?

Hi! My names Teresa and I’m an impulsive decision makerJ

As of Monday evening I had my plan to solve my frustration and discomfort from my lack of direction.  I decided, I LOVE serving and I LOVE travel… why wouldn’t I do oversea missions?  So I applied, interviewed and under 48 hours thought *I* solved my problem.  But then it hit me, a funny thing called waiting upon God!  I did not even bring this thought, plan before Him.  I did not even allow this thought to settle before acting on it  

In my head, my intentions were pure- I felt this adventure would allow me to grow in ways that I wouldn’t grow in the states and thought that it would be an opportunity that I would not be able to take later on.  By Wednesday this week I realized I was in the exact place just about 9 months ago.   So if I had this desire to go then, and decided not to…me having this desire again..  What does this mean???

Should I stay or should I go…

An old hit from The Clash basically sums up my thought process!  I kept praying but feeling as I wasn’t hearing from God.  Why wouldn’t I be hearing from Him?  I’m reading His word, praying to him, serving and loving others.. Why am I in this spiritual restlessness, especial in such a crucial time?

When wondering why I am not hearing Him, I told to read Esther. 

Esther 6: 1-10

6 That night the king could not sleep; so he ordered the book of the chronicles, the record of his reign, to be brought in and read to him. ² It was found recorded there that Mordecai had exposed Bigthana and Teresh, two of the king’s officers who guarded the doorway, who had conspired to assassinate King Xerxes.

³ “What honor and recognition has Mordecai received for this?” the king asked.

“Nothing has been done for him,” his attendants answered.

⁴ The king said, “Who is in the court?” Now Haman had just entered the outer court of the palace to speak to the king about impaling Mordecai on the pole he had set up for him.

⁵ His attendants answered, “Haman is standing in the court.”

“Bring him in,” the king ordered.

⁶ When Haman entered, the king asked him, “What should be done for the man the king delights to honor?”

Now Haman thought to himself, “Who is there that the king would rather honor than me?” ⁷ So he answered the king, “For the man the king delights to honor, ⁸ have them bring a royal robe the king has worn and a horse the king has ridden, one with a royal crest placed on its head. ⁹ Then let the robe and horse be entrusted to one of the king’s most noble princes. Let them robe the man the king delights to honor, and lead him on the horse through the city streets, proclaiming before him, ‘This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor!’”

¹⁰ “Go at once,” the king commanded Haman. “Get the robe and the horse and do just as you have suggested for Mordecai the Jew, who sits at the king’s gate. Do not neglect anything you have recommended.”

Here we see Haman thinking the king was talking about him, so he made up all these wonderful things the king should do for the man he delights in.  He had impure motives and tried to plan the outcome for himself.

This passage made me look deeper into my heart.  Was there any sin that has not been given up to God for forgiveness our any areas that I have not fully given to Him?

God truly amazes me!!  I kid you not, right after that amazing/thankful time of repenting I brought my question to Him again.

Should I stay or should I go?

He brought me to John 5:30, John 6: 27, 35, 38, 46 –

To sum up the passages, I want our heavenly Fathers Will, not my own.  I want to work for eternal life for nothing that will perish.  When coming to the Lord you WILL NOT be hungry, you WILL NOT perish.  ANYONE who believes in me, will have eternal life.

Can I do all of the above while doing missions overseas – YES!

Can I do all of the above while working here in the States – YES!

Therefore, in knowing that either path I take I can still bring glory and honor to His name, He has given me the chance to choose either path.

So you are probably wondering which path I’m taking..

I’m running for President- first women president here I come!!!! Lol  (like I said, I make impulse decisions.. something I’m working onJ)